So You Wanna Make A Booty-Call?

Everyone has made a booty-call before. Don't even lie like you haven't... unless you are a nun, a eunuch or one of those weirdos that doesn't like sex (are you fucking kidding me with that shit), you know you have made that call, sent that text, paged that mother fucker, or whatever you do to get some ass. Some people bring their "A" game when trying to tap that ass. Other mother fuckers don't give a shit and say whatever, without considering the repercussions of their actions. Below is a booty- call of the latter. This dudes give-a-fuck meter is not just broken, but basically non-existent. Just like the booty-call he was trying to make. I have broken down all the problems with this attempted booty call as a learning exercise so that no person makes this mistake again. You are welcome.

In trying get at that ass, the first thing you should NOT do is send the recipient of said booty-call a FACEBOOK message, and ask them to send you their number, because their girlfriend erased it. For fucks sake, that will make her close her coochie up faster than actually getting sand in her trap. 

When approaching a lady, and trying to sell her a ticket to ride the Pound Town Express, you should not inform her that your girlfriend, who erased her number, does not like her. Strike two, fucker.

Lastly, when propositioning said girl you should never do the following: 1) admit you need a pill to get and keep your dick hard, especially in a medium that can be posted on the internets. 2) Try to get her into a threesome, when you have already admitted that you are trying to get her to help you cheat on your girlfriend, who doesn't like the girl being messaged. 3) Call anything a filthy, sex-cave. Nothing about that sounds like a place where most women want to go to make sexy time. Maybe somewhere where you get murdered after getting ass-raped, but not a place to make sweet, sweet, lovin'.

Now that I have shared my shame, let no person fuck a booty-call up to this level ever again. I will personally come and scissor kick someone if they ever send some bullshit like this. This is like the Special Olympics of booty-calls. Wait, scratch that. People win medals and are winners at the Special Olympics. Clearly there are no winners here. Only sad fucking losers.

I got nothing after this mess. Thanks, Champagne!

H-Bomb







NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.............

Enfamil immediately stopped production of their new White Russian version of their formula after who would've been their #1 customer, Snooki, denied that her midget Hulk boyfriend Jionni LaValle smushed a baby up into her. The Rapture was canceled and we were all told it was safe to go outside again, or so we thought. Page Six says that Snooki's booze sponge of a womb IS full of baby and she denied it because she was in the middle of trying to whore out the news for a dollar to the tabloids. The Rapture is back on, Enfamil can start up the conveyor belt again and we can tell the children that they're going to be the last of our kind since the world will soon end when roidy orange gremlin babies eat our entire supply of booze.

P6's source says that UsWeekly paid for the news and will put it on one of their upcoming covers as soon as they get creative approval from Lucifer since that issue will also become the new bible in Hell. Another source says that although Snooki being knocked the hell up is good news for her checking account, it's bad news for the MTV reality show she's shooting in Jersey City with JWoww (see pictures below) right now. The source put it like this:


“MTV went into crisis mode after they found out. They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show. ”

The "creative direction" of any MTV show leads us all directly to the bottom of a dumpster and I don't see how that shit has to change. The only difference is that instead of giving Snooki a plastic trash can full of economy-sized booze jugs from Costco and a tanning bed, they just have to give her TWO plastic trash cans full of economy-sized booze jugs from Costco and an extra-strength tanning bed since she's boozing and tanning for two now.

News like this calls for a song from Snooki's native land! Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-we're fucked.

 via - D-Listed

The Old Guy Still Got It!

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