Thursday, March 26, 2015

PSA: A Tale Of Two Crazies

Without a shadow of a doubt, there are always two sides to every story. ALWAYS.

Now, here at Ghetto Genius, we get hundreds, if not thousands of emails from people all over the world looking for advice. When we get those emails, we find one thing in common with all of them.


98.938393% of emails we get NEVER have the other side of the story. Why would someone do that, right? I mean, we all want to look like the saint. The one who isn't so fucked up with major issues.

As bloggers, it's our job to take what is put in front of us, whisper to ourselves, "Damn, these motherfuckers are way more fucked up than me," and give advice based on what is presented in the email, our experience if we possibly have been through that same type of situation and what we would do if we were that person writing in. Sometimes shit gets off point and we just go on tirades. Motherfuckers just need to get over it. That's the card you're sometimes dealt with.

Today, I want the dedicated fans, the followers, the newbies and the Ghetto Genius blog lovers to know that when you write in asking for advice, it's NEVER a two way street. Sure there are always two sides to every story, but when you one provide one, EVERYONE, including yours truly, is going to judge the fuck out of YOU or the person you're bitching about.

I'm gonna give you a perfect example:

About two months ago, a chick wrote in needing help. Apparently, her boyfriend of 3 years, who she has two beautiful kids with, is fucking up her universe. Like most couples, they argue, HOWEVER, they NEVER come to a resolution. She craves space, he wants to be connected to the hip. He works and provides for the family. She slaves at home with the kids all day. He wants to spend time with her at home, but when they're together, he's usually playing video games or watching tv. She wants to spend time with her friends. He's jealous and a control freak. She isn't about this life anymore. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

That's just the Cliff's Notes version, people.

Reading this, it became apparent, that this broad was troubled as fuck. A controlling and jealous man not letting you do shit? Man, he must be a motherfucking asshole! What man would do such a thing? By the sounds of your email, you're a goddamn angel that can't spread her wings. Cooking, nurturing, cleaning and slaving all damn day?! That just ain't right. This chick is one female that every GOOD man would want in his life, right?

My girl, H-Bomb, responded and came to the defense of this broad because of course, the person writing in made it sound like she was living in hell with this man and needed some sort of solution. We kept it real and responded with such things like:

"When a man wants you to spend all your time either with him, or taking care of your family, and doesn't want you to have any friends, hobbies, or interests of your own, that is not a not a boyfriend, that is a warden. Did you write this letter from a lady's prison? If so, I am gonna need some Orange is the New Black lesbian love stories, too. Cus that shit is hot. All kidding aside, people in prison actually have more freedom than you. They can have visitors, human interaction, and time to themselves. You have none of those things. See where I am going with this?"

As the world read this, of course, we all felt like this chick was living with some "Sleeping with the Enemy" type motherfucker.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

We say our peace, hoping our advice sticks and move the fuck on. Fast forward to two months later…

I get an email from some dude in serious need of some advice. Been with his gal for 3 years who is still, in fact, married, has two girls with her and another child (from her current marriage) who he treats like his own. Oh, forgot to mention, the 2 kids they have together? With their first son, she faked a home pregnancy test and made him think she was already pregnant. She was not and got pregnant within a few nights after the test.

Dude is the sole provider of the house. While he's at work, his gal is at home watching the kids and doing EVERYTHING!!! She actually bitches to him and says she just doesn't want to take care of the kids anymore. Best part…she just wants to go out and party with her homegirls but that's what bitches in their 20's do. She puts her friends before him, has punched, choked and God knows what else to this cat on a few occasions in addition to getting caught texting her ex while pregnant with their child AND actually tried to sell her panties to folks on good 'ol Craigslist. Should I keep going or do you get the picture? Bottom line, this dude has been through hell with her and after it's all said and done, he's stayed with her and all her fucked up antics.

Talk about a good guy getting fucked over by such an awful person, huh?

I, like I always do, gave this dude advice and basically told this motherfucker to run and take the kids with him. Because if it's that fucking bad and she's that fucked up, why would ANYONE stay with someone like that. Especially when kids are involved. I post my column and send the dude an email to let him know it's posted and good luck because whatever this bitch is doing, ain't right.

Thinking I did some good in the world for some of society's fucked up population, I get an email back from this dude and it said this:

"There's no doubt we are both crazy as fuck. This was just a point to prove that your advice is sound from the perspective of one side. The girl in this story wrote you and you posted as "gone girl gone" basically telling her to get away before I kill her. When being choked, I smacked her off me, so I am no saint. I also burned her shit as she has destroyed my shit too. There are always two sides to a story. So for those who take shit too seriously you should remind the readers every story has just that, two sides. I hope everyone remembers relationships are never just perfect and they take work and sacrifice from both sides. As I say, its a two way road, not a one way street. Take it for what it is. Maybe you post this too, maybe you don't, but if you want to be "real" I would think you would get it up soon."

Now, I don't know what the fuck this guy was thinking. I had to read the email response back like 20 times because what point is there really? Your girl posted two months prior basically making you look like a complete fucking douche while she was Mother fucking Theresa and two months later, you come at me like you're Pope John Paul II and she's the worst cunt in the world.

Hey Sherlock, no shit there's two sides to every fucking story. But when you don't give me and our readers both sides, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Oh, let's not forget to mention how both of you sad fucks made it look like you weren't the problem. But I go off and give you sound advice and all of the sudden you want to come back with some bullshit how you're fucked up as well?

Brother man, the reality is, you didn't prove any point. The only thing you proved was:

1) You and your gal are both fucked up in the head.

2) You both are fucking crazy.

3) You possibly deserve one another because crazy deserves crazy.

4) You aren't fooling anyone.

5) You both are bad at relationships and probably shouldn't have had kids. Any person who tells you that they don't want to deal with their kids anymore and threatens to overdose on pills, you need to find motherfucker Jesus. Biggest crock of shit I've heard. Keep this up and those little motherfuckers will probably be on Intervention in 10 years.

That was great of both of you to write in on separate occasions painting a very one sided story just to get the answer you wanted to hear, not the truth.

You think this is Jerry fucking Springer?! I bet that's y'alls favorite show though, huh?

If you want truthful advice, especially when you are able to remain anonymous, at least give the whole fucking story. The first step to solving a problem is being able to admit that you had a part in it. Admission is freeing, and if you speak or write what you did, it can make you see yourself in a whole new fucking light. The only light you're seeing is on the tv, amigo. If you aren't fucking happy, do something to change it. Don't just bring others down with you. Two sides to every story. Yeah, funny how you never provided the whole other side, motherfucker.

You do realize in life, it proves nothing if you ask for advice under false pretences and expect to put it to use. That's like the Bride of Chucky trying to use advice given to Cinderella.


Let this be a lesson to everyone - If you're going to write in and ask for advice, then get fucking butt hurt because I was too honest, knowing that you know the other side of the story, it might be good to let me know. Otherwise, shut the fuck up, take the advice for what it is based on what the fuck you told me and move the fuck on.

Ghetto Genius - 1

Dumb fuck - 0

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